No cards today as you can see. I have worked and completed the trailer for my YouTube channel, which is to be found here , but most of all I have spent lots of time thinking. If you read between the lines, you have probably noticed that my mood is not the best in the past days. Through the months, it is always becoming clearer and clearer for me that because of my disease, I am beginning to turn into somebody else. Somebody I do not know, and I am not in control of. Not yet. I am used to rely on myself and my resistance to everything. This has gone, definitely, and I need to learn that some days, I am just able to do nothing or almost nothing. This is hard learning, and a painful lesson. I have been going through so much moments of absolute despair the past 18 months that I cannot recall having ever suffered that much in my entire life. But I have also the chance to have the most fantastic support one can dream of in the person of my husband, who sticks with me regardless how good, bad, terribly mean or unbelievably vulnerable I can feel. I can truly say, without him, I would have given up since long.
Now maybe I can relate also to my passion (addiction ?) to card making. It started really by accident. I was looking for a magazine on my way to the train station as I knew I would need to remain quiet during the travel. I can speak German, but I wanted to pick either a french or English magazine, cause I like to keep up with my native language (believe it or not but after so much years speaking daily German only I really need to think twice when I speak french) and with my first love ( I studied English civilisation and literature as main topic in University). Long Story short, the only thing that attracted my eyes on that day was a Papercraft Inspirations exemplar, which I bought and did not quit reading even after after my train ride. I had simply no clue that there was anything around card making, and indeed, I was to discover that in Germany this is a very confidential thing still, nothing comparable to the true universe it represents in the UK or US.
Nevertheless, I really started to get interested more and more in this, reviewed everything I could find on YouTube (and there is so much about it) then started ordering supplies, tools and everything I could find in the UK and on Amazon. Very quickly, I found out too, that crafting, creating things sometimes so tiny and sharp with my own hands had the fantastic advantage to send me away from my concerns, and forget everything else than the stamp in my hand, the cut, the sentiment that matches perfectly my card, etc. I have spent a while just remaking everything I had seen very carefully, to learn the Technics and getting confidence. Then step by step, adapting the measurements to the things I wanted, creating my own layouts, my designs, growing in efficiency and in creativity as long as my mind became free. The thing is, while it is a hobby, buying the whole things become very quickly space wise problematic, and financially too. This is where came the idea to create my Etsy Shop, not as I want to create a business out of it, but simply finance part of the supplies I buy. I am still crafting a lot, daily, and producing too much to offer or send to people, but I refuse to give up on this pleasant and positive activity that brightens my day.
I know my way with the disease is still long and the fight will put me down every now and then, cause it is the way it is, I accept it. But I also know, as long as I can express myself in cards and get my hands busy with a hot gun or a stamping tool, I have still something to give, to offer. And my cards are maybe nothing you wouldn’t be able to find much better crafted and better designed, but they are MY dream cards because thanks to those little messages in those invisible bottles, I can still dream of the day I will be healthy again. And I am thankful for every single one of you who chose to walk with me that path.
Thanks for reading me today too, even if the content is pretty unusual.
I see you tomorrow,